Before I go any further, let me bring forward an example of the profound absurdity of the universe: I found these oily, sweet, salty, smoky potato chips at PLANET ORGANIC – after many years of moderating asinine online comments as a big media web monkey, know that I don’t use all-caps lightly – ostensibly the neighbourhood purveyor of healthy produce, organic soy whatzits, and processed faux-meat wonderfood.
That’s not to say I don’t appreciate the lovely selection of Kettle Chips and other junk food at my local Planet Organic. Even earnest Earth mother types have been known to put down their bullhorns, hang up their crocheted hemp satchels for the night and snack with reckless abandon.
But if you can get past the ridiculousness of the provenance, these chips are utterly, completely, jaw-droppingly splendid. Seriously. They’re one of my new favourites.
If you can stop yourself from eating more than a handful at a sitting, you’re clearly a strong, sensible, fun-hating person. (Lord knows how you found this website, but, um, thanks for the page view.)
The Pitch: Maple Bacon potato chips. Why say more?
The Look: Nice red bag with a silly little illustration of a stack of syrup-soaked pancakes and crispy strips of bacon. The chips are standard-issue kettle, so gnarled, thick and curly.
The Taste: Maple and bacon go hand in hand, as any pancake-appreciating Calgarian will tell you. In these chips, it’s also a perfect match. Just enough sweetness from the maple, with plenty of smoke, salt and oil to raise the bacony roof. It’s a very simple flavour, but it’s everything I wanted it to be.
RATINGS AND DETAILS
Cost: $2.50 (on sale) for a 220-gram (7.75 oz) bag, I think. The cashier at Planet Organic seems to have incorrectly rung it in at the till, but I didn’t catch it on the receipt until days later at home.
Value for cash money: For that price, fantastic.
Availability: Just starting to show up in stores.
Nutrition?: Per 18-20 chips (40 grams): 210 calories, 12 grams of fat, 170 mg of sodium, 2 grams of fibre, 3 grams of protein.
The verdict: So. Good. They don’t so much taste like bacon as they taste like all the things that make bacon fantastic.